LOL: Vanilla Ice Gives You Your Weekend Safety Brief

The weekend is upon us, and many in the world truly need a safety warning the moment the work-clocks frees the masses from their chains and lets them run out to hit whatever hot party is going to be the ‘must go to’ moment of the century. In the best rap he ever did, Vanilla Ice is giving the people what they need–a safety brief for the weekend!

The godfather of failed rap careers seems like the most unlikely candidate to warn people of the dangers of drinking too much over the weekend, what with his long history of drugs and booze binges, but hey everyone can turn a new leaf right? Besides his house flipping business down in Florida is going great, right? Oh wait….well at least he is still relevant, that’s a plus! Oh, that’s not right either is it?

Well, he is something anyways, and that is better than an absolute nothing!

Now, I know that there is no video, and there is no way for us to actually clarify where this epic rap came from, but none of that erases the absolute rightness that is contained within there words. Try hard to heed these words of advice while you party it up with your friends.




Yo, OIC! Let’s kick it
Think twice, twice, baby

Think twice, twice, baby
Alright stop! Assimilate and listen
Friday’s back with a brand new intention
Alcoholism grabs a hold of you tightly

Suckin’ down Blue Moons daily and nightly
Will you go full sot? Yo, I don’t know
Start any fights, and I’ll blow

Do the live stream, act childlike with no handle
Best disengage before you hump and cause scandal
Trance; wake up in a recovery room
Failed to abstain from a poisonous lush womb
Deadly, when you itch with no remedy
Anything but a blood test is straight entropy

Love it then leave it just another foray
You better have an alibi, this kid don’t play
If this is a problem, yo I’ll solve it
Check the logbook while my duty recalls it
Think twice, twice, baby
Think twice, twice baby






Yeah, that is way more than enough of that.

The advice is sound however. Don’t drink too much and end up in a bad situation with an unknown partner that may or may not have a horrid sexually transmitted disease that you probably will never get rid of. That would be a bad ending to a good weekend for sure.

Sadly, I cannot help but again remind everyone that Vanilla Ice is probably the worst person to take any kind of protective or safety advice from. lol. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like this would have been something he should have thought of long before he hit the studio looped out on Quaaludes to record Ice Ice Baby.

Oh, the irony! Seriously though has the world gotten so concerning that we need weekend safety briefs on how to properly behave in public? Do we really need to be reminded to put a shower cap on to avoid nasty things that one can contract from another? I mean, come on now people, this is 2017 and if you can’t adult correctly yet then maybe you should pop in the new Call of Duty WW2 on your Xbox and take a breather from all things related to drunken debauchery.

Or completely ignore my advice and party it up like it is the last weekend of your life! Either way, I am positive that Vanilla Ice really doesn’t care what you do. Not like it will garner him any new attention anyway. That being said I wonder how often he sits and tries to reword raps to the music of his one and only hit? I can just imagine Vanilla Ice sitting all alone in his living room rapping about peanut butter sandwiches with the instrumental version of Ice Baby jamming in the background, tears streaming down his face, the dog looking at him like he is insane.

That is one hell of a lame existence. Don’t be like VI, get out and mingle people! Your life absolutely depends on it!

(Any and all sarcasm construed from this article is in fact actual sarcasm, and again we have no way of verifying if Vanilla Ice really wrote this rap.)


H/T [ Duffle Blog ]


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